By myself, all day, with both kids

Posted on Sat 10/18/08 in Fatherhood

As Quincy from the Little Einsteins says, "I cannot believe it!" Both kids are sleeping. I don't quite know what happened, but I guess I do soak up the tips and tricks Beth regularly feeds me. Naptime is always a delicate matter, put I pulled it off. Good thing, too, because it's only 2pm and I'm exhausted. Beth left to take a test at 8am and won't be home until 6:30pm tonight. Yeah -- I'm sure you mom's (or stay-at-home dads) out there are rofling on the floor laughing, but I've never said it was easy.

Believe me, I'm no slouch -- I'm up at 4:30 so I can study or run and do some computer repairs before getting to work at 7am; then I work my brain for 9 hrs and return home to an exhausted wife who is ready to hand the kids off to me. That sounds like a long day, but I love nearly every minute of it. And let me tell you this -- it's 2pm, I woke up at 6:30am, and I'm pooped. So, I'm pouring out a few sips of my 40oz to the stay-at-homes out there.

With respects and praises out of the way, I want to give you a time line of the follies today has brought -- so you can see just how ridiculous this whole thing is.

6:00am McKenzie is crying and standing in her crib. Ethan wakes up and runs to McKenzie's room to make sure she is really awake. I get up to make McKenzie a bottle. Ethan comes out of McKenzie's room, coughing his poor little head off and has green snot pouring out of his nose. "Can I have a snack," Ethan asks as he follows me into McKenzie's room. He then coughs and throws up. The kids and I return to the kitchen as I announce the news to Beth. She offers to make the coffee.

6:30am I make eggs for Beth and me. Beth feeds Ethan and McKenzie as she prepares for the test she is taking today. After breakfast the kids and I played trains till about 8:30.

8:00am Beth leaves.

8:30am Time to get out of the house. I start getting the kids ready to leave for a few hours... I pack diapers, wipes, bottle, formula, snacks, toys, drinks, tissues, barf bag. Then, I check it again, and again. I DO NOT want to be out, someone takes a shit, and I have no diapers -- so I check one more time. I get dressed and then get the kids dressed (not an easy task, btw).

9:30am Done. What?? An hour!!! It took an hour to get the kids ready to leave? Wow. Good thing I have no actual agenda for the day (except for the birthday party at 5pm that we're now not going to). Better make the call and cancel.

10:00am At the post office. Nobody here, great. Instead of checking the box, let's just close it. Waste of money. The kids and I stroll in to the empty government facility. Ethan is immediately amazed by a lady using the copy machine. It does have a really bright light and makes noise when the change comes out. It's nearly impossible to get a 2-3 year old to stand in one spot when there is a copy machine 10 feet away. I explain that if he can't stand next to me for a few minutes then I cannot let him use the copy machine. "It is only for good listeners," I explain to him very seriously. He does a decent job standing down while glaring at the 50 cents he has to dump into the machine. After we finish, I let him make two 15 cent copies of my hand. I offered him to copy his hand, but he didn't want to... that is, until we got to the car. Then, in what nearly turned into a tantrum, he protested and complained (with real tears and snot pouring down) that he wanted to copy his hand. I reviewed the events of the last 10 minutes with him, and suggested making a different choice next time... especially to include his reaction to my declining his desires. This is a microcosm of the discipline part of parenting.

10:30am We leave the post office, and Ethan suggests getting mommy's car washed. He is usually both terrified and ecstatic about going through the car wash. We spot a gas station with a police car with lights on. Jackpot. As we get gas, we watch and listen to the officer tell the guy he pulled over to stay out of the car. The guy walks to the cab to get his phone or something, and the cop shouts, "You're not listening to me!" Perfect time for a lesson. "See Ethan? That guy isn't listening to the police officer," I explain. "Why," Ethan responds with his new favorite question. I explain that sometimes people down follow the rules, and that they have to face the consequences. "Why?" "There are rules out here, just like we have at home. When you don't listen at home, you have to sit in timeout. The same is true with the law." This continues, and then it's car wash time. McKenzie could care less where we go as long as she can stare at her brother.

11:30am After driving around for a while to let McKenzie sleep, we return home and go to the park across the street. Ethan's latest accomplishment is to slide down the pool by himself. I always try to be there to help him, but once he decided to do it himself. He made it down pretty good, but he hit is cheek hard on the pole when he hit the ground. Another bump. Another bruise. What's new?

12:00pm The next hour is half fun, half timeout. I took out this train conductor's outfit that has been in the closet for a while. Ethan loves it, and puts it on. He plays trains with McKenzie and occasionally decides to step on her or booty bumps her when she gets in his way. Toys are taken away because Ethan refuses to keep them out of McKenzie's face. Timeouts occur. But, this is a fun time. Sitting around playing with my kids -- not a care in the world.

1:00pm Lunchtime and Underdog. Nap time approaching. Canes game on at 3:30pm. Awesome. Ethan eats peaches and mac and cheese for lunch. Meals are quite frustrating sometimes. I put the Kenz in her bed. She stands up and can't sit back down. I lay her down again. She stands up and can't sit back down. Repeat 4x. I let her out for a bit with us. I try in 30 minutes and it works.

2:00pm Ethan cooperates by getting in bed without any hassle. I'm one bad dude, I think to myself. I kiss Ethan and leave the room. McKenzie starts crying. Arg! Not so bad after all. I put McKenzie in her swing and give her a bottle. She falls asleep in 10 minutes. Perfect. Time for a blog and a break.

3:30pm McKenzie is up. It's just a matter of time before I'm back to full throttle. The rest of the day will be fun -- dancing, movies, trains, books, wrestling, cough medicine, snot, timeouts, and snot.... mom's home. By 7pm, I'll be watching Tivo'd episodes of Oprah. Just kidding. It smells like poop in here! McKenzie's eating a magazine -- gotta go! Go Canes!